Dani Tan: Welcome back to the coaching Q and a series. I'm doing a mini series on common questions and misconceptions. I get asked about when it comes to coaching. So I'm going to share my take perspective and answers. And this is the next part of the series. So the next one that comes up is. Can't I figure this out on my own? And so of course, yes, of course you can figure out what it is that [00:01:00] you want to do on your own when it comes to what it is you're trying to achieve. the thing that I think is really important are a couple of things that come up. So if you're somebody who is trying to achieve something, whether it's in leadership of, can't I figure it on my own, how to make my team more efficient, or can't I figure it on my own, how to.

Build my business or start my podcast, or can't I figure it on my own? How to, you know, make sure I'm able to get to the next level and get promoted or ask for a negotiation. Yes, there is. Of course you have all the power and authority to figure it out on your own. The thing that I would call out when it comes to coaching and how it helps support you while you're figuring on your own is that there's a couple of things when you go it alone, it can at times slow you down. So there is these things that come up of the overwhelm and there are also things called blind spots. So let's talk about it. So the first thing that I would say is when you're going in alone, there may be this like blind spot effect [00:02:00] where we're often missing what our own patterns are that come up when it comes to trying to take on a challenge.

So I did an episode on this about avoidance. Um, so let's kick it off. So if you're somebody who's like, okay. I know that I want to get this new job. I'm trying to either pivot or just get a new job in general. And you know, of course you can figure it on your own, but you need to get your resume ready, get your cover letter that, you know, that networking is important and that you need to, reach out to folks in order to learn about those new industries, to build your relationships, to hopefully get referrals. You know that, right? But the blind spots that may start coming up is you might not notice your patterns that are coming up when it comes to trying to achieve something that maybe It's a little difficult or maybe just isn't naturally what you want to do, right?

So, you may start to avoid getting things done like, Oh, I'm just going to put off on my list. Um, redoing my resume. I'm going to put off on my list, um, you know, creating a business plan, or I'm going to put off on my list doing the marketing that I need to for my business, or I'm going to put off on my list, um, reaching out to those people that I want to talk to you. So when [00:03:00] that comes up and you're doing it on your own, you will have all the reasons and rationale as to the reasons why. You need to move those things down on the list and deprioritize them. So what that ends up doing is. It starts to slow down your progress of what you're trying to achieve. And I always think of it, I always like describe this.

It's like, it goes to the bottom of your to do list every single week. And now it's been weeks that added up to months, add up to years and you haven't achieved what you wanted to achieve. So I think it's just important that. You are someone who will have the support when those blind spots come up that you're not noticing those patterns or those habits. And that's what coaching helps provide support with is I'm here as an outside perspective, not to judge you, but just to say, okay, I'm noticing these patterns that are coming up when there's a task. On your list of to do's that you don't necessarily love, but you know, needs to get done. And now it's starting to delay where you're trying to go.

So that avoidance is popping up. Or maybe like it's, you know, fear of judgment or shame, or, you know, it's the perfection that's creeping up. That's my responsibility as your coach to help do that. When you're on your [00:04:00] own and you're trying to do it, you will have all the reasons and rationale. And so that's when that blind spot starts to come up. You can always ask your, you know, friends or family or accountability buddy. Um, but you always have to just make sure your accountability buddy, your friend or your family member or your coworker is going to be straight with you and tell you, Hey, I'm going to be direct with you when I see that you're kind of putting things off. So that is one thing that I did definitely want to know.

The next thing is when you are creating the strategies and plans by yourself, um, And it's something that is like brand new territory for you. It can lead to like burnout when it comes to decision making, because when you have so many different options, we almost go into like a decision fatigue of, okay, I know that I want to launch my website. Um, in three months, but in order to launch my website in three months, I have to pick, you know, am I going to do it myself? I'm going to do it. If someone else is going to be doing it, am I going to hire them? What platform will it be on? What kind of copy do I want to write? What kind of images do I want? What's the brand feel? What are the colors?

[00:05:00] All of these things are to create like this decision fatigue of like, what am I going to do? What is the right strategy? So then you start trying to figure out, like, how can I go ahead and prioritize these things? What is the next best thing? And so my job as a coach, which is different than when you're on your own and you're trying to go through this thought process and figure out what's the priority is. I'm here to be like, okay, overall, what do we want to, you know, hit in the course of three months? Is it the website is just launched? Is it the website is viable so you can start attracting clients? Is it so the website, you know, can go ahead and start to create a brand for you?

What is the most important piece? So then we start to figure out and I can, you know, work with you on like, what is the minimal viable product? Like, what is the most important thing that we have to get done in the course of three months? And I start to work with you. So versus you and your brain going back and forth, the decisions, you have a partner to go back and forth with. And for me to, again, call it those blind spots, again, focus on overall, what is that you want? And then the last thing that I would say is, you know, there will be sometimes [00:06:00] hesitation to take action. And so that goes back to kind of like what I was saying before is that when I say I can figure out on my own, when we have so many different options in front of us, we may not understand, okay, like, what is the right thing to do next?

Like, we might not have the clarity of what, like, what it looks like to do next, because sometimes All we can see is what's right in front of us. And so we're like, okay, I think I need to do this right now. But sometimes we need somebody also to be there to look at the big picture. Like, okay, overall, where do you want to be in like two, three, five years? What is your big picture goal? And these things that you're doing right now that you're in the weeds on, is it going to help add up to the big thing that you want? And I think those are the things that are important because here's the thing, like, especially if you are, and I identify as a woman of color, first gen Asian Latina. So I know what it means to be extremely hyper independent and to always want to do everything on your own and to learn how to do everything and want to execute it in your style.

So that's definitely my MO. But the biggest thing that happens is [00:07:00] when you're the person who's in the weeds, doing everything, thinking about everything, executing everything. It will slow you down. No matter how amazing, badass, smart, good you are, it will slow you down because to be the visionary and the executor and in the weeds is two different playing parts. So my job is to help you see, okay, out of all the things that are on the to do list, what is the most important, what's going to help move the needle to get you where you want to go, um, based off of your current situation. And we always reassess. So that's another thing too, is like being able to have somebody who's invested in what you want to do and give you guidance to help you move along.

So when there is this hesitation of, but it's not absolutely perfect the way that I want it to be, or, um, Oh, I'm scared if it goes up, then people are going to start judging me like for us to work through those pieces as well. So, um, here's some examples of how I can tell you, I even personally have these things come up of, I can figure out on my own. So, in my background, I have, like done website migrations and, branding for big brands, [00:08:00] um, multiple times throughout my career. So like, uh, you know, what are some ones that I can name even, um, like Juicy Couture I worked on, um, Aero Postal. I've worked on your company, all those different, you know, fashion brands. And even with those, I know how to migrate a site from.

One platform to another platform, I understand what it takes to create a brand messaging around it, to look at brand colors, to look at the copy, all of that good stuff. And so even for myself, when it came to, okay, I need to get this done, I wanted to do it by myself because I was like, I'm the expert. I know what needs to be done or get this to be executed, but I was slowing myself down. Like it just, I was in the weeds. I was going, going too deep. And I was like, I need someone who's going to be able to help direct me on what is going to be able to move the needle for this thing. And the reason why I wanted to do it because I wanted to start a blog where I can create more content for folks to absorb when it comes to all the different pillars that I speak on.

Um, and I want them to essentially have a library. And so for me, I, I put myself, I'm not going to lie y'all. I was probably in freeze for [00:09:00] June, July, August, September, October. Almost five months, five months of where I could have been taking action and moving versus ruminating on the same thing. So even myself, I was like, okay, who's the right coach to help support me when it comes to this blog, who's the right coach, or like, you know, team that's supposed to help me when it comes to building this website. And those are the actions I had to take. I finally took it and I'm still I'm still living in it, but I know that I have specialists there to help me move forward. And I always say like your coach is one person of your entire support team.

So if you have your mentor, if you have your therapist, if you have me, they're all different key players when it comes to who's in your support team to help you to be the person that it is that you want to be, who it is that you're trying to achieve and what it is that you want to do. So I always say, yes, can you do it on your own? Can you figure on your own? A hundred percent, but. Depending on what it is, will it slow you down and where do you want to be and what is your timeline and who can you have there to help support you, to guide you in so you can reduce all the things that come up when it comes to potential, you know, patterns of [00:10:00] avoidance or perfectionism or fear of visibility.

And how can you make sure you have someone there when there's that hesitation that's coming up to take action or the decision, you know, fatigue that pops up too. So this is a little bit on this, but go ahead and. Keep listening when the next episode comes up, when I'm talking about coaching Q and a series on common questions and misconceptions.